The Shared Hotel Suite

We were a year or two into our marriage when my husband had to start planning his first business trip with his new job. We were actually going to fly out a week early and make a trip of it ourselves. We planned to spend the week before the conference traveling through the state stopping in towns along the way. Then he'd go to his conference, and I'd head back home. It sounded like the perfect getaway.

Then he told me about his plans for accommodations while he'd be at the conference.

He planned to share a hotel suite with one of his female coworkers.

Ummm, what?

To me, this just wasn't okay. Like NOT AT ALL! Men and women who weren't married didn't share hotel suites on business trips - much less when one of them is married to someone else.

Was I going crazy? How could he even consider something like this?

When I voiced my objections, he told me I was being old-fashioned and blowing the entire thing out of proportion.

Multiple times I expressed my concerns.

I brought up the fact that there were multiple male colleagues who would be attending the conference, so he could share a suite with one of them. His response to this objection was that he didn't want to room with any of them and that he was closer friends with his female colleague and would be more comfortable rooming with her.

I mean....how was this even an option? Looking back so many years later, I'm still appalled at his lackadaisical and dismissive approach to something that to me was so obviously inappropriate.

My biggest concern he simply dismissed with no consideration at all. My biggest concern was that this didn't feel right to me. It was not what I considered appropriate behavior.

TO ME, THIS WAS NOT OKAY!

I was his wife. Shouldn't my feelings count for something? Shouldn't he factor those in? He responded saying I was being ridiculous and jealous and that in the 21st century, men and women could be friends and share hotel rooms. YES, BUT NOT WHEN ONE IS MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE.

In the end, he did exactly what he wanted to do - he shared the hotel suite with his female colleague.

When I left him at the conference, I checked him into his suite with him before I left. It had two separate sleeping quarters and a shared living room and kitchen. I consoled myself with this fact and told myself over and over that everything would be okay.

It wasn't.

Every night we would talk and say goodnight. Except for one very long, emotional night.

I called him to say goodnight. It was early evening in his conference time zone. He never called me back. I called a few more times, and it went straight to voicemail each time. I spent that long night crying for hours, telling myself stories in my head that I'll never know the truth about.

When he finally called me the next day, he apologized. He said that he'd spent the evening consoling his female suite-mate, who had some personal crisis going on, and that he had left his phone in his bedroom while they were in the living room.

I'll never know whether what he told me was the truth or not. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. I don't want a partner who is unwilling to consider my feelings. I don't want a partner who wants to share a hotel suite with another women - colleague or not.

I want a partner who values me so much more.

So, while I may never know the truth about what happened behind the closed doors of that hotel suite, what's your opinion?

Did He Cheat?

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