
In any successful relationship, communication is key. In a marriage, it’s crucial.
What happens in a marriage when communication goes down the toilet?
We were 5 or so years into our marriage when we moved to a new place. I was staying at home taking care of our kids and not working. We lived in the country, and I didn’t know a soul. He worked in the city at his new job. I was happy that he was making new friends, and on occasion I was able to meet them, too.
More often that not, however, that wasn’t the case.
He began coming home late a lot. Really late. However, he didn’t call. He wouldn’t text. I wouldn’t know where he was. I’d be home waiting for him with dinner ready, and he wouldn’t show up. Sometimes it would be for hours. Sometimes all night.
I’d be at home crying, hoping he was okay, wondering where he was.
When he finally got home, there was always an apology. He ended up going out after work. He ended up at a friend’s house after that. He crashed because he had too much to drink. He forgot to call. He didn’t get my text. He was sorry. He promised to be better about communicating.
How much of this is okay? How much is too much?
Does that answer change given the fact that his wife was at home alone with kids? Not knowing anyone and lonely? With dinner ready just waiting for him to come home and spend time with her?
How many late nights? How many unreturned texts? How many forgotten phone calls?
At what point does this behavior indicate that something else is going on? Even if there’s no other woman, at what point does this behavior become unacceptable?
How could I mean so little to him that I wasn’t even worth a call or a text?
Looking back I can see how much lack of respect these actions held. It was as if I was being dismissed - like I didn’t matter. Or at least not to him. That’s how I felt. Slowly I sank lower into an abyss of feeling worthless. I lived there for a long time.
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